Have you ever found yourself wishing to be any age other than what you are? You’re too old to enjoy the joyful naivete of childhood, but not old enough to bask in the freedom of adulthood. Well, Alice Spencer, the protagonist of the Upper School Fall Musical Alice By Heart, certainly has. Finding herself face to face with the looming death of her dearest friend, she must learn how to balance letting go and remembering the good times together.
This, while on a much different scale, is what everyone must come to grasp once they notice that the people they love now have the ever-elusive title of “senior” tacked onto them. I spoke with Clellan Hirlinger ‘26, who is playing Alice. Hirlinger, a student who’s seen 10 graduating classes of seniors in their time at AFS, is now realizing that they’re soon going to walk across the stage and say goodbye to their classmates.
“It felt like I was always preparing for it,” Hirlinger said, “but I kinda never thought it was gonna happen, and it did. And I thought that the stress was exaggerated, but it’s not.”
However, there is also the promise of new leaders and life within the space by way of the current juniors, sophomores, freshmen, and most of all, the two fifth graders included in the cast, Alana Brickhouse ‘33 and Stella Sowers ‘33. This November, they make their Upper School debut as Young Alfred Hallam (Alana) and Young Alice Spencer (Stella).
Though there may only be a couple of scenes with them, their pure wonder has already rubbed off onto our Upper Schoolers. They have made an effort to apply themselves to rehearsal, make cast announcements to the school, and even discover what it feels like to rush down the ramp during a five-minute break.
I had the opportunity to meet with both Hirlinger and Sowers at different times a few weeks ago, each adding a new perspective. Some questions and responses have been edited for clarity.
What do you think of when you picture yourself at the other’s age?
Hirlinger: I don’t remember a lot of it, but I used to love school. I used to really look forward to coming to school, learning. I was in the band, and I loved playing flute, playing piano, and seeing my friends.
Sowers: Probably a lot more friends, because there would be new people. This is kinda crazy to think about. Seven years? That’s crazy. I would think myself to be a little different, but the same.
Where do you see yourself further in the future?
Hirlinger: I hope that I can always be surrounded by art and the people I love. I think my parents have modeled a lot for me the life that I want: a home full of love, creativity, windows, and good food.
Sowers: Probably the same, but like maybe a voice actor or something like that.
Have you ever found yourself wishing to be a different age other than what you are?
Hirlinger: I think that when I was younger, I was really, really frustrated with not being taken seriously, and I just wanted to do more, and I think I’ve kind of always felt that way. I felt like high school’s been pretty limiting for me, because I don’t get to choose what I’m studying, so I was really excited to grow up and move on. And also, with the responsibilities that come with growing up, I think that I have been savoring what is going to be my last year of childhood, legally. I think I’m just really holding onto that. My parents have always tried to emphasize that I should try to be a kid for as long as you can. They always say that’s the shortest part of your life, and it’s really fun. But I also had a hard time sometimes, when I was younger, and sometimes my parents would comfort me by saying that I might enjoy my adult years more.
Sowers: I think like, the part where you get a lot more friends is high school, so that’s like what I thought when I was a little bit younger, but… I don’t know. [My parents] hate it when I say that in three years I’ll be 13, I’ll be a teenager.
Hirlinger: I have a younger sibling, so that reminds me of them. It’s been really weird to watch them grow up, especially now that they’re in high school. Hearing them talk about their own future is weird, because I still think of them as this 4 year old, but they’re a big kid now, and it’s really weird. But I think it also highlights a cycle of watching someone grow up, and then as they’re growing up, they’re watching others grow up. It highlights an idea of connectedness and how we’re all sort of watching each other.
Sowers: It’s sad, but it’s kind of like about growing up and generations. It’s kinda sad, but I feel like I have connections to that.
What do you think of your counterpart?
Hirlinger: I’ve heard that she’s just a shining light, very intelligent, and very funny. She’s doing great so far; she seems like a really fun spirit, and I really like her hair.
Sowers: I like them, they’re nice.
Tickets are available to Alice by Heart, which will be performed on November 13, 14, and 15 in the Josephine Muller Auditorium. See the hard work and collaboration that occurs between the cast and crew of all ages. Perhaps you’ll even be sucked into the madness that is Wonderland.
Elsa • Nov 12, 2025 at 7:21 pm
I would say there have definitely been times I wished I was a different age. When I was younger, I always wanted to be older so I could have more freedom. I thought I would spend my time being with my friends and running around our neighborhood constantly. Now that I’m older, I have other things I need to do instead. I feel like I never truly noticed when I “grew up” because of how slowly it happens, and I don’t really realize till I look at old pictures or videos. When I was younger, I kind of thought one day I would wake up and just feel older, but that never happened.
Grace J • Nov 12, 2025 at 3:06 pm
I think that this article is incredible and it really helps to highlight the complexity of growing up. I relate to when Clellan was talking about seeing their sibling grow up. I have two younger siblings and seeing them become people with complicated personalities and layers is horrifying but surreal. I also, agree with Stella when she said that her parents don’t like the idea of her growing up. To kids, the idea of growing up is full of wonder and curiosity. however, to their parents they want their kids to stay innocent and youn forever. The contrast between the ages of Clellan and Stella was interesting to see in their answers to the questions. The way that a 17 year old thinks compared to a 10 year old is very interesting, like the complexity of they’re responeses.
Rael Santana • Nov 12, 2025 at 2:44 pm
After reading this article, I feel like my eyes have been opened, in a way. It made me think of how I’ve always wanted to be older because of the restrictions on me, and the fact that under my family I’m being held back from my truest self, and yet I want to savor these years that have some form of stability for me. In other words, I relate to both perspectives. My younger self had once imaged a tall girl with smooth skin and long, dyed hair, but I am far from it, not even a girl. Watching my brother grow up, my cousins grow up, I only hope that they take their time to mature. Growing up is simply aging, mentally and physically. It’s learning through experiences, which is why we all want to be so grown when we’re so young. We want those experiences, and we don’t realize how some of them will slip away from our hands.
Ffion Fay • Nov 12, 2025 at 2:40 pm
I always used to wish that I were older when I was younger, and now that I’m older, I constantly wish I were younger. I regret not savouring my childhood while I was in it, but I don’t think many people grow up wishing they could revisit a nostalgic moment of joy from their childhood. The way Clellan describes the thoughts they had about growing up in their childhood, in contrast with Stella’s excitement at the possibilities that her teenage life will bring her, really emphasizes the difference that the growth from childhood to teen years has on someone. Clellan says she is savouring her last year of legal childhood; it is important to know as a teenager that you are still a child, much like how Clellan says she is savouring her last year of legal childhood. It is important not to spend your current time thinking of the time you wasted when you were younger, but enjoy what you still have now, or you’ll have even more regret later.
Ava • Nov 12, 2025 at 1:55 pm
What do you think about the two different perspectives shared in this article? Have you ever found yourself wishing to be a different age other than what you are? What messages would you send to your younger self? What did your younger self imagine about how you would age? In what ways has your perception of ‘growing up’ changed since you were a child? What lessons do you think people miss out on by rushing to grow up?
I believe that both perspectives in this article show how much thought is really put into getting older and stepping into a new form of life. Going from a baby to a teenager or teenager to an adult are big changes that happen to people. In my own life, I have found myself on many occasions wishing and wanting to be older. The mindset that took over me was that the older I get, the more freedom will come about. A message that I would send to my younger self and to first assure her that she was right about the freedom part as ages progress, but to also let her know to live in the moment. None of us will be young forever, so it’s important to cherish everything.
Maddox • Nov 12, 2025 at 11:53 am
I think the two perspectives in this article are very similar and share intertwined views. I have never wished that I was a different age then I am. I would tell my younger self that growing is not fun. Work only piles up and your life gets harder as you have more responsibilities. My younger self imagined that I would be very independent and mature and for the most part that is true. My perception of growing up has changed through me always thinking that growing up would be easy. When you rush to grow up you lose the fun experiences that you will never have the opportunity to experience again.
Leila • Nov 12, 2025 at 2:18 pm
Very interesting outlook, Maddox. I think a lot of kids are blinded by the glamorized aspects of adulthood and growing up that they often forget to live in the moment, and experience what it means to be young. Alice by Heart exemplifies the challenge Alice experiences through struggling to hold onto her old memories and while facing change and major loss. Her story shows that we all evaluate grief within the concept of our age, which is subject to fluxuate as we get older. Moreover, I believe that young people should focus less on rushing into adulthood and more on cherishing the days od being young, because those are the experiences that shape who we become later in life. The musical’s message tells us to stop and reflect on our life, and embrace the stage we are in in the present before it’s gone.
Daniel Fuller • Nov 12, 2025 at 11:45 am
I really like the addition of having both perspectives. It gives more depth and perspective to see how a 5th grader sees the world vs. a senior. When I was younger, I never wanted to grow up, but now I am excited to grow up, like turning 16 and being able to drive and turning 18 and being an adult. When I was younger, I was always scared to grow up and I wanted to stay young forever. I think that rushing to grow up might result in not enjoying your childhood while you have it, but you should also not be scared of growing up, and be able to look hopefully into the future.
Amani • Nov 12, 2025 at 11:41 am
When I was younger, I always wanted to be an adult because I felt like if I was older I would get more freedom. I never wanted to feel talked down to by another person, but since I had such strong feelings at a young age, I was constantly frustrated by the people around me because adults never really take kids seriously. But now that I am a bit older, entering high school and things like that, I wish I could be a kid again. It may feel belittling at times but at least there is a lot less stress in childhood.
Amelia Terry • Nov 12, 2025 at 11:40 am
I have a little brother which has always made me feel like I need to be the older one. I have always needed to care for him, almost like a second mom. When I look back on it, I feel like I was forced to grow up fast so I could look after him. At the time I just wanted to get older. Now I would give anything to go back to being younger, having less responsibilities, less homework, less worrying, and take advantage of being a kid since I never really did before. But when I look towards the future, I vow to take advantage of my age at every age. I would tell my younger self to savor every moment and the freedom of being young. By growing up fast you miss out on the goldenness of just being a kid, and therefore are less freer in life. In that way I really relate to the characters in Alice by Heart and trying to hold on to your youth.
Mia • Nov 11, 2025 at 10:39 am
When I was younger, I was always told that I was wise beyond my years or that I was an “old soul”. I think that sort of forced me to grow up faster than I wanted to, since everyone dismissed me and figured I didn’t need as much nurturing since I was already so evolved. I also have an older sister, which made it so I got a lot of experiences that I was too young for, since I was just tagging along on her life. Since I grew up so quickly, I find myself always wishing I were a kid again. My sister is at college now and every day I think about how I took for granted my time with her. I would tell my younger self not to try to be older than I am. Just be a kid. I think that if you rush into growing up, you become sort of underdeveloped because you don’t have as much time to figure out who you really are. I don’t know anything about myself anymore, and I think it’s primarily because as a child I took whatever scraps of personality I’d developed and ran all the way to finish line. I wish I could go back everyday.
Alana Conway • Nov 11, 2025 at 8:55 am
I have an older sibling so growing up I often wished to have the freedom that he had. He ran around with his friends and could stay up late. I imagined I would get the same. Now I go back and forth to wishing I am older, so I have more privileges, but I also remember elementary school and wish I could go back to that time. When I was younger I had such little responsibilities, barely any schoolwork, and spent most of my time outside running around with my friends. I think the thing I would tell my younger self, and do tell younger kids is to just savor the time you have and make the most of it. It can be annoying hearing it especially repeatedly, but so many things that feel so big in the moment and that will take up so much of your time will not always be that big and heavy. So focus on the happy moments more than what someone said about someone else. I thought high school was going to be like it is in tv shows and movies; running around the hallways, having so much freedom, not having many responsibilities. I think growing up is amazing. It definitely feels complicated at some points but we are so lucky to grow up and experience life in so many different ways. I think people often miss or forget that growing up isn’t just getting older, but it is also about learning and going through many different experiences. Being in theater has really helped me learn that from watching kids older than me, and how they act.
Henry Sylva • Nov 7, 2025 at 12:30 pm
The two points of view presented in “Alice by Heart” illustrate the struggle we feel between growing up and wanting to remain youthful forever. Many teens, including myself, are too preoccupied with reaching total independence to consider what we may be losing along the way. I’m arguing that growing up should not be viewed as abandoning childhood, but as carrying the imagination and empathy of childhood into adulthood. If people think of maturity as abandonment of innocence, there will always be the danger of practicality that leads a person to scoff at what are seemingly ridiculous ideas but are actually ideas in quotes from childhood. Growth is learning to balance awe and responsibility. I would tell my younger self growing up is not growing older faster than the next person. It’s actually slowing down enough to absorb the moment before moving on.
Liam H • Nov 6, 2025 at 8:32 am
The subject of growing up in Alice by Heart has really stuck with me even though I’m not particularly involved in the show and have yet to see it. I turned 18 just recently, and as I think about the show I think about how much I wanted to grow up when I was younger. I spent much of my life waiting for the elusive Adulthood, wishing that I was just a little bit older so I could do a little bit more. Now I’m here, and a part of me wishes I could go back. I suppose the grass is always greener on the other side, but now that I’m here I feel like I have to live up to a lot more responsibility and what I gain from it is frankly minimal. If I spent the last 10-odd years waiting to turn 18, then what is there to wait for now? So, sometimes I wish I were a few years younger, but I don’t know if I really want that.
Olivia G • Nov 5, 2025 at 7:46 pm
I really admire the consideration that was put into this article! Using themes of the play and incorporating them into the experiences of the actors was a sweet move, which I think was really useful in offering sentiments that can reach so many people. I honestly think I get where both views are coming from, and it made me think about my past and future as well. :> I think when I was younger, I really wanted to be a teenager. Not even an adult, but a teen with fun dyed hair and an iPhone 8 (which was the next best thing). I think I dreamed about the freedoms that they could have at that age, while still being a kid… somewhere in the middle. Now, I sometimes wish I were an adult, but sometimes I get a feeling of nostalgia, and I want to be younger again. But honestly, I think one thing I would tell my younger self is that you can’t take everything for granted, and you can’t just let life glide over and away from you. When I was younger, I really didn’t think I cherished anything as I do now. One lesson I think people can miss out on, by wishing they were older, is that every stage of your life has a purpose, or a distinct mark. If you don’t find that mark or make one of your own at each stage, then there’s not gonna be anything left to look back on. Your photo album will be blank, in a sense. Anyway, nice article!! Can’t wait to see ABH!
Rainy • Nov 5, 2025 at 8:26 am
I love how Aisling chose to interview both Clellan and Stella and juxtapose their answers in that way. For most of my life, I have wanted to be older than I am – now, I want to be a high school freshman again. My younger self had a very idealized and cartoonish vision of how my teenage years would be, and honestly, that vision has been largely accurate – it´s just that there are also major drawbacks my younger self couldn´t predict. My message to my younger self would be to work harder in school and to know that many things will get better for her, at least temporarily.
NJ • Nov 5, 2025 at 5:00 pm
I definitely agree, choosing to interview them both was such a beautiful way to encapsulate the entire experience. I often wonder what my younger self would think of me if she saw me now. would she think I was really different or would she think I was pretty much the same. As well as the opposite, when I’m older , what will my old self think of how I am now? I also like to think about how my perspective on certain things has and will continue to change. I think that if I had a message to my younger self I would tell her to cherish the moment. So many things happen and especially at a fast pace so it’s easy to just want to move on. The moments in life that we enjoy the most are often the ones that feel the shortest so we should try and cherish them more.
Scott Sowers • Nov 4, 2025 at 1:00 pm
Such a cool read. Well done, Aisling. And I recognize that kid!!
Kittson O'Neill • Nov 3, 2025 at 1:24 pm
Awesome article Aisling. Thank you!